A sad day

So last year on May 5 I found out I was pregnant after about 3 pregnancy test it was official..John and I had been married for only about 3 months....We were both excited even though sometimes I would act like I was terrified but I really couldn't wait!!.. At about 6 weeks all the fun pregnancy "morning sickness" or more like all day sickness kicked in .I was always sick and asleep by 7 (poor husband I was no fun).but A year ago today I was in surgery bright and early to have a D and C.. Four days earlier I was 11 weeks pregnant going to my first doctors apt. My husband, mom, came with me to the ultra sound and there was our sweet little baby.(it was so cute). The nurse said " theres your little peanut".. It was amazing too see that something really was in there. I then asked her well is everything ok ? She gave us the saddest news ever. Well I am having a hard time finding the heart beat..I immediatly burst into tears.. My biggest fear had come true.. SO many emotions were running through me.. Then the nurse started to explain my options you can wait it out or have a D and C.. I didn't even know what a D and C was and I just started crying even more..Then I moved rooms and talked to the doctor..He was so sweet he really comforted me and told that if I waited for my body to actually miscarry the baby its very emotional and traumatic (I had no signs of a miscarriage).. So I decided to go through with the surgery(The following Monday)...So I went home the day of our first doctors apt and tried to have a positive attitude but couldn't help but cry the whole day and many days/months after that..... I just remember when I was leaving the doctors that day I just had this peace and clarity that the next time I get pregnant and from now on I will be a better me physically,mentally,and spiritually. Theres a few reason I wanted to shared this: Its kinda therapy for me too write my emotions but most importantly The lord prepared me a lot for this experience, he also blessed me and my husband above and beyond. I can honestly say even though I wish this had never happened to me and I would of loved that child so much. I know there was a reason for it and it will prepare me for the future..I am truly great full for the gospel and its teachings ..It really helps put everything in perspective even though we may not always understand why bad things happen and why me but also too cherish the time you have with those you love and care for.