Life would be so easy

The other day John and I were talking about what our life would be like if he never had another seizure from here on out.... His response was, "Life would be so easy". I don't think anyone would even understand the amount of relief and stress that would be taken off our shoulders. It makes me want to cry sometimes thinking about how enjoyable life would be without these damn things. Sometimes I think about what most "normal" people get to do and worry about at this time of their lives and wish that was us. We should just be worrying about school, getting a job after schools over, when to have another baby, and saving our money. Not, what if his seizures get worse, what if he can't do his rotations in November,then what? What if he has a seizure during a rotation, what if the medicine never takes them completely away and he has to have brain surgery, etc.... Most days its hard for me to not think about his seizures. If he has a good day, we get excited but then we are both anxious about when the next seizure is going to come. I wish John had a "normal" case of Epilepsy, According to his current doctor he's never had a patient like John, comforting huh!

We are moving back to Utah in 6 week but who is counting? Honestly, everyday here I have been in a constant battle with myself to be happy . That might sound dramatic but its the truth. Since we moved here it's just been one thing after another. John's first week of school our apartment flooded and he was in a car accident, a couple months later someone broke into our car, few months later John was in another car accident( don't worry he doesn't drive anymore, stupid seizures), this July John was in a bike accident because he had a seizure and he was so lucky he didn't die or have any major injuries, And now, I was told I might have something wrong with me because my bilirubin has been elevated. So I have to follow up with a GI doctor and can't get in until Sept 19... But I am happy to say we have seen a decrease in John's seizures, thank goodness. I am hoping it will just be a matter of getting the right dose of medicine and the seizures will be gone for good.

Even though its been a hard year, I know we have been watched over, and certain people and experiences have been placed in our lives at times we have needed them the most. My faith has grown a lot and I know now more than I ever have that we have a Heavenly Father that loves us and wants the best for us. This trial is just one of those experiences that is molding us to be what he wants us to be.

In other news we already have a place to live in Utah , and its funny because we will be living right next door to my sister and John's brother. Yes, my sister married his brother for those of you who read this blog and didn't know. We will be saving so much money living in this apartment, it will be a lot smaller than we are use to, but saving an extra 500 a month will be nice. Especially, when you are living off of student loans. I just can't wait to be away from 100 plus degree weather. Never did I think I would be so in love with Utah, but I hope I never have to leave again. I love it there and can't wait to live close to all my family and friends again.

I hope people who read this blog don't think I am the most negative person ever, because I am not. I love my husband so much and it kills me to see him have to go through all this. I am going to try to post more often so its not these sad, depressing posts!